Raindrops on roses and whiskers on kittens, bright copper kettles and warm woolen mittens, brown paper packages tied up with strings … these are a few of my favorite things …

That song always cracks me up because it seems like you could throw just about any arbitrary item into it so long as it flowed with the melody. Try it sometime! Speaking of arbitrary, if you are anything like me, I bet you receive a lot of mail (and E-mail) because of your perceived profession that really has little to do with your actual occupation.

There are a few probable reasons for this. Most people — frighteningly, even some in our industry — do not have a clue as to what an electronic security dealer or integrator does on a daily basis. They simply do not understand this industry. Why is it such a mystery!? Also, your name may have been obtained from some random list provider or the sender may have outsourced mail to another party that doesn’t know what the heck it’s doing.

In any event, these materials can be quite a nuisance and counterproductive to business. When you think about it, it’s a shame so much money is wasted on these misdirected marketing efforts.

As you might expect, here at Security Sales & Integration, we have to sift through hundreds of pieces of mail, E-mails and faxes (in addition to dozens of phone inquiries) each and every month. Mercifully, you are only exposed to a small percentage of it all because the vast majority has little or no relevance for security dealers/integrators. We pluck the diamonds out of the rough to bring you the crown jewel that is SSI.

The glut has only intensified since 9/11, with a gamut of products and services being pitched at the security industry. So now, along with the usual misguided array of OEM components, manufacturing tools, mechanical locks, guard services, espionage equipment, DIY products and computer security software releases, we are also receiving materials geared toward law enforcement, the military, firefighting, retailers and the government, to name but a few.

I thought it would be fun to share with you some of the material we are bombarded with that seemingly come “out of left field.” If you have received something you believe would be at home on this list, please share it with me. But for heaven’s sake, don’t send the actual item as I already have more than I can handle!

Here are some real head-scratchers:

• Micro through-wall covert surveillance systems
• Cable-lock wraps for retail merchandise
• Videophones
• A K-12 school-to-parents communications network
• EAS tags with ink
• LCD projectors
• Aircraft panel fasteners
• Self-checkout register systems
• Cash transport products
• Key combination boxes
• Camcoders
• Power film capacitors
• Voice analysis lie detectors
• Security door latch openers
• Rigid inflatable boats
• Mobile automotive repair equipment
• Luggage locks and ties
• Pressed-tin ceilings
• Emergency escape masks
• Bank vaults and safes
• ATMs
• Nanomaterials
• Humidification systems
• Laptop computer carts
• Radiation threat detection equipment
• A traffic school that uses biometrics to ID students

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